SCHEER: Added trunk space as I hit the '50's Club'

It’s official.

I’m now over age 50.

Thank you to the AARP for confirming it by mail.

Less than three business days removed from my 50th birthday, the club for the more senior among us sends me an official “Welcome to the Club” card.

Talk about a model of efficiency.

Maybe AARP should run the entire federal government.

Their timing on important deliveries is impeccable.

Surely the people who offer discounts and other promotions to the senior set would never allow for the possibility of a government shutdown.

Getting the invite and the club card makes me feel Navin R. Johnson in “The Jerk” when he sees his name in the phone book for the first time.

“I’m a somebody” for sure now.

I matter.

In reality, 50 feels a lot like 49.

I’m most certainly wiser and more calm about things.

I definitely have more in the middle and all around than I’d prefer.

Metabolism?

I wonder, does the AARP have a card for that?

Of course, now the lingering question in my mind is: Do I opt in for full membership and get that sweet-looking free insulated trunk organizer they’re offering?

At age 50-plus, shouldn’t I have learned to organize my own trunk by now?

Or maybe, the better question to be asking myself is: “At 50, haven’t you earned the right, with all your hard work and blood, sweat and tears, to acquire a device that will organize your trunk for you?”

Reading back the description — “roomy, durable and designed to stay put” — I can’t help but think the good people at the AARP designed this trunk organizer with me in mind.

It practically describes me as a human being.

Well, that’s that.

I’m in.

How can I not be?

Savings on medications.

Discounts on eyewear.

Resources on fraud protection, family caregiving and staying fit.

Access to dental, life and home insurance.

I never go anywhere unless there’s a grandchild or two in tow these days, but there’s also discounts on dining and groceries and meal delivery and hotels and flights and car rentals and vacation packages.

That’s a lot of cool stuff for 16 bucks a year.

Honestly, “50’s Club,” where have you been for the first 49 years of my life?

Handy insulated trunk organizer, here I come!

What better way to start the back third or so of my existence than by ensuring I have everything I need in the trunk of my automobile, with plenty of room to spare?